Dedication of husbands
It has been said that crisis brings out the best in people; in the practice of oncology I’m not sure that’s always true. For many families the diagnosis of cancer for a loved one is one of the greatest crises that a family can go through. Sometimes families step up to the challenge and sometimes the opposite is true. This blog entry is a tribute to those men who really have stepped it up & come through in the clutch.
Recently I lost a patient with ovarian cancer. She had battled her cancer over the last two years, and with every bit of strength that she could muster. Her husband was always by her side. I truly believe that she lived far longer than she should have because of the caring, the love & support that he gave her. It was very obvious that the two of them were very much in love. His dedication to her went beyond what we have become accustomed to see in everyday life. He never missed a doctor’s appointment; he never missed a chemotherapy treatment. When she was in the hospital, he spent every hospital possible moment with her, racing between the obligations of his job and his family to get back with her to support her. As a final act of this dedication to her, he came to the office several days after she had died and thanked every single person that was involved in her care. It was like he knew that we had all done our best to trying to support his wife.
One of the worst things that can happen to a man is to have is wife diagnosed with cancer. Unfortunately, it is something that will likely happen to many of us men during our lifetime. By our nature, men want to be able to fix things, to be protectors, to be able to shield our families and our wives from the outside world. Usually over a very short few days when the diagnosis of cancer is made men are thrust into a world that many of them find foreign. They are faced with terminology that they don’t understand such as; white blood cell counts, nater counts, body surface area, toxicity & mucositis. They watch their wives go through the side effects of chemotherapy feeling that there’s not much they can do. A husband of one of my patients with AML has taken on this challenge with a great deal of courage and passion. This is in despite the fact that his wife’s illness has taken her away & put her in the hospital for many weeks at a time. Her illness has challenged both of them emotionally, physically & financially. He too has always been by her side. There can be nothing more taxing or boring than spending weeks in the hospital receiving chemotherapy for acute myelogenous leukemia. Being in the same room, seeing the same nurses, going through the endless number of vital signs, blood draws, and eating the same hospital food is so hard. But this man has done everything he can to make his wife’s many stays in the hospital as enjoyable as possible. He has played card games, read to her, rubbed her back, but most of all has just been there. He has been her friend with confident and unwavering presence in her life, supporting her through this fight against this awful disease.
The diagnosis of breast cancer in a young woman can be devastating. It affects women in so many ways. It affects their sense of youthful inspired and invincibility. It affects the ability to potentially have children. Breast surgery or mastectomy alters their looks and their physical image. Then the treatments put women into menopause, depleting their bodies of estrogen and decreasing their sex drive. All these changes can’t help but affect the relationship between a man & a woman & a husband & a wife. Here again I know many stories of many incredible men who have stood up & accepted the challenge, supported their wives, loved their wives, stood by their wives & as a couple overcome the challenges caused by this disease.
It is not always like the way I describe above. Sometime crises in families can bring out the dysfunction; can bring out the underlying problems in marriages, but more often than not I see husbands rise to the occasion. In a world where you hear so much about infidelity, divorce, abuse & abandonment it gives me great hope and a great sense of optimism for our future by knowing these men.
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